To celebrate, I crafted a list of eight fascinating facts about me and my life. I figure this is appropriate, since writing an entire blog about yourself is a tremendous exercise in narcissism, anyways.
1. I'm still sorta shocked that I'm married. When I was younger, I assumed I would grow into an old, cranky spinster maid. With no cats, of course, since I'm allergic to them.
2. The above is why I got a hypoallergenic dog. My boyfriend at the time had dumped me several months prior, and I prepared for my perpetually single existence by renting a small apartment and adopting a tiny dog.
The dog was to be my one true companion during my bitter, lonely, elderly existence... I was twenty-five years old.
3. I began dating Ian two months after adopting Winnie.
4. I experience wildly ridiculous delusions of grandeur whenever someone upsets me: "Oh yeah?! Well just wait until I'm famous."
I have no real dreams of fame. This phenomenon only occurs when I'm pissed off. And then suddenly I'm a very pissed off, very famous person.
You know.
In my head.
5. Ian is two years older than me. Ergo, he believes he is a generation older than me.
When he talks about our generational differences, I point out that one generation equals at least eighteen years. And that a twenty-six year old and a twenty-eight year old are, indeed, from the same generation.
He continues to comment on our generational gap.
Wow! Two generations in one photo! It's historic!
6. When I was single and living in the city, I went bar-hopping with friends one night.
This was during the Great Bedbug Scare of 2010, and I'd been reading way too many news articles about bedbugs.
As we left a bar, a homeless woman appeared, sobbing for money. I handed her a five-dollar bill and she immediately yanked me into a hug. Visions of bedbugs danced in my head.
I raced home, ripped off my clothes, and stuffed them into a plastic sack. I then showered and crawled into bed, where I pulled out my laptop to read more articles about bedbugs.
I never got bedbugs.
7. For a while, I enjoyed handing Winnie to Ian and commanding, "Hold her." Then I would step back and wait to see how long he'd hold the dog.
It would usually take a few minutes for him to realize he was holding the dog for no particular reason, other than my own amusement. I did this several times before he caught on to me.
Here, Ian! Hold this!
Wait. What?
8. Now that Ian and I are married, "New Daddy" doesn't sound right. Ian loved being New Daddy. He never wanted to give up the name.
But I took matters into my own hands and began calling him "Forever Daddy." He's decided he likes his new name.
Please address all fan mail for Ian to his married name, Forever Daddy. His maiden name, New Daddy, is now obsolete.
I love you, Forever Daddy!
