I, For One, Bow to Our Great Google Overlord, Part Two

I'm continuing my series on most Googled search terms. After my post on God, I saw viewership grow as people stumbled upon this blog by Google searching the divine creator.

Next on the list is everyone's favorite teen heartthrob, Justin Bieber. I confess, I feel conflicted posting about him. Essentially, I'm revisiting old territory:

Alas, my previous post on the Beeb didn't bring in extra traffic, but I posted about him early in the blog's life. These days, the Google machine is on my side, so I anticipate a large traffic increase after blogging about Justin Beaver.

It makes me a feel a little icky to use a child to grow my blog, but hell, his song-writers, swag coaches, auto-tune specialists, and his parents are capitalizing off his pretty boy looks and smooth Proactive skin. Why can't I?  

I don't actually know that much about Justin Bieber, and I don't want people to catch me Google searching him, so here's a round-up of all the information I've gleaned about J.B. over the years through Facebook, social media, and believe it or not, The New York Times.

1. Justin Bieber has his own perfume. For women. Because all women want to channel the odor of a pubescent boy.

2. Justin Bieber has famous hair. Remember that hairstyle all the boys wore in middle school? He has that haircut. Somehow, he made a hairstyle worn by 90% of all boys famous.

3. Some people claim Justin looks like a lesbian. In fact, there's an entire website dedicated to lesbians who look like Justin Bieber. It's truly fascinating stuff.

The above is not Justin Bieber. That's a lesbian masquerading as Justin Bieber... Mind. Blown.

4. It's really hard to remember to how to spell "Bieber." It's one of those tricky German names. Is it Bieber or Beiber? I can't really remember, but I'm going with "Bieber."

5. Justin Bieber is dating an actress named Selena Gomez. I'm going to pretend they fool around by holding hands and sending air kisses.

6. A random 20 year old girl accused Justin Bieber of impregnating her, resulting in a baby boy and paternity suit. Someone needs to alert these people that holding hands and air kissing do not result in pregnancy, so there's no way Justin is the father.

7. I figure a lot of people will find this blog post by searching for photos of Justin Bieber. I don't feel like finding Bieber pictures, so here are photographs of Ian posing as Justin:

I, For One, Bow to Our Great Google Overlord, Part One

Ian and I are still chugging along on the home decorating, which was put on hold several times due to work schedules, educational pursuits, and an appendix that threatened to burst out of Ian's stomach, a la Space Balls:

We spent much of the weekend painting. Since a post consisting of, "We painted. No, I cannot show you what we painted," would likely bore my five loyal readers (Hi, Ian's mom!), I've taken it upon myself to feature something that will mesmerize everybody.

Lately, more and more of my blog traffic has been driven by Google searches. People find this blog by Googling terms like, "how to grow sunflowers" (good luck, buddy), "alien holding its ear" (you'll fit in nicely), and "I ate pork my stomach hurts" (I know your soul).

Since obscure topics bring in so many page views, imagine what popular topics would do for my views. Why, I could pull in at least ten views a day! That's seventy views in seven days. Within a week, I could be famous!

Ladies and gentlemen, in an unabashed attempt to increase my blog traffic, I'm beginning a series of the most Googled people, places, and phrases.

Here's number one in the ongoing series:

1. God 

Lots and lots and lots of people Google search God. Since I'm trying to appeal to all people (peoples?), I thought I'd include various Gods of different religions:

And, of course, the American god: