I don't know if you've noticed, but the economy has been lagging a bit lately. Everyone's predicting doom and gloom and anxiously awaiting the days when gas costs twenty bucks a gallon and no one can afford food.
Then there's the unemployment, decreasing wages, and hyper-inflation. The lucky ones with jobs cling to them, taking on added, unpaid labor because damn, I'm so lucky to be employed.
In the U.S., we strive to worker longer and dumber, rather than shorter and smarter. So you can imagine why U.S. employees might start to feel burnt-out, run-down, and apathetic.
I asked Winnie and Spottswood to write a guest post for the blog, highlighting ways mistreated, downtrodden workers can rebel against the system.
Here are their tips to win the race against the clock, challenge the rules, and beat the system.
Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the authors, Spottswood and Winifred, and do not necessarily reflect the official policy, position, or beliefs of any agency of Winiferd in the Burbs, including its creator and writer, Laura, or its cartoonist, Ian.
1. Form a prayer circle at work. Invite all colleagues to join a morning prayer ritual. Take prayer requests and volunteer to say the prayer. Make the prayer as long-winded, verbose, and rambling as possible.
Maximize the time spent in the prayer circle. Strive to cut at least half an hour from your work day. In the process, you will also gain brownie points from your religious co-workers.
To cut even more time, bring a Bible and offer to read several pages. Try to spark discussion. You may be able to cut an entire hour from your work-day. People love the Bible.
2. Adopt an extracurricular activity. Let's be honest: a lot of people can finish their work for the day in about three hours.
That leaves an entire five hours everyday in which employees can gain useful skills or knowledge.
Take on a useful hobby that enhances creativity and vision.
Learn a new language. Balance your budget. Research ways to start your own non-profit. Research ways to start your own for-profit.
Or start writing a blog. Not that we'd know anything about that. Since we're a cat and a dog.
3. Try to work from home. At least ask. It's worth a shot.
4. Take plenty of bathroom breaks. See title above.
5. Smoke Breaks. Coffee Breaks. Water Breaks. Take breaks that aren’t counted as your corporate-issued 15 minutes. You can pick up the habit second-hand. Get a buddy who smokes and break whenever they break.
6. Use your vacation days. Actually use them. Rebel against sick corporate culture. Also, use your sick days.
If your company grants you two weeks of sick days per year in addition to two weeks of vacation days, you can figure that's about four full weeks of vacation.
7. Drink on your lunch break. You have an entire hour in which to make the rest of the work day bearable.
Bar hop.
Sample the lunch-time dollar margaritas at any Mexican restaurant.
Or go the old-fashioned route and pour rum in your coke in the company break-room.
8. Nap on the clock.
a. Tell your co-workers you left important work materials in your car. Go to your car and sneak in a power-nap.
b. Find a secluded, rarely-used maintenance closet to sleep in. Find one that only the Friday cleaning lady uses. One that locks from the inside.
9. Create a workplace computer emergency. Unplug one of the network cables. Throw a breaker in the breaker box. Let your creativity flow on this one.
10. What’s for lunch? Never pay for meals again thanks to the generosity of others. Keep on eye on the frozen dinners and to-go boxes people stash and forget in the fridge.
Snag them just before they go bad.
And those are our tips. Thank you for reading our very first guest post!
We're tired now. Good-bye.
