Monday Night Musings: The Christian Bale Edition

Laura: "What's your favorite Christian Bale movie?"

Ian: "Umm. I don't know."

Laura: "Psycho?"

Ian: "American Psycho? Yeah, that was probably his best acting."

Laura: "My favorite Christian Bale movie is Little Women. Oh, that Laurie. He's so dreamy. And so kind to the March family."

Ian: <Giggles> "Okay. Now I get it. I was wondering why you'd ask a question like that, completely out of the blue."

Laura: "Yep. I just wanted to tell you my favorite Batman movie is Little Women."

Monday Night Musings: Urine Therapy

Laura: "I read drinking your own urine helps to cure allergies. And sometimes my allergies make me feel desperate enough to try it."

 Ian: "Would you try it? Really?"

Laura: "Eh, I doubt it. Urine therapy makes sense, though. It's the basic principal of immunological therapy. Or homeopathic therapy."

Ian: "People have been doing it since ancient times. It's a really old practice."

Laura: "I bet drinking your own urine prevents cancer."

Ian: "You should start drinking your own pee!"

Laura: "Yeah!"

Ian: "Then we can drink each other's pee!"

Laura: "Yeah!"

Ian: "Would you do that?"

Laura: "Yes. Because then people will know we love each other."

*Winiferd in the Burbs now qualifies as an educational website. Click here to read some hippie's thoughts on the benefits of drinking your own wee wee.

Monday Night Musings: Old Daddy

Laura: "You've been New Daddy for a long time. When will you become Daddy?"

Ian: "Never. 'New Daddy' commands respect. Winnie's not allowed to call me 'Daddy'."

Laura: "Have you noticed me trying to casually call you 'Daddy'?"

Ian: "Yes. And I don't like it."

Laura: "Hmm."

Ian: "By the way, if I'm New Daddy, what happened to Old Daddy?"

Laura: "Old Daddy died in a car crash."

Ian: "That's sad."

Laura: "I gave birth to Winnie shortly after the accident."

Ian: "You're Winnie's biological mother?"

Laura: "Yes. Winnie looks like her father. You see, I had sex... with a dog."

Ian: "It's too bad she got his brain instead of yours."

Laura: "Genetics are funny like that."

*Winiferd in the Burbs does not condone bestiality.

Monday Night Musings: The X-Men Edition

A while ago, I bought Winnie a purple harness. Shortly afterwords, I bought her a red leash.

I hadn't thought of the weird clash of colors until I slipped on both the harness and leash for her evening walk.

Laura: "Wow. She's colorful, isn't she?"

Ian felt excited about the inadvertent color mix of doom.

Ian: "She looks like Magneto! From the X-Men! His colors were red and purple!"
 

It's like looking in a mirror, isn't it, Winnie?

Laura: "Ian, who was that X-Man? The one Winnie looks like?"

Ian: "Magneto. He was the super-villain."

Laura: "Winnie's super-villain name is Boner Shrinker."

Ian: "That name's definitely more accurate."

Laura: "To the bat cave, Boner Shrinker!"

Monday Night Musings: The Justin Bieber Edition

Laura: <waits in grocery store check-out line; rifles through People Magazine> "Wow. Justin Bieber has his own perfume."

Ian: "What's it called? 'Just Beave'?"

Laura and Ian: .............<Hysterical laughter>

Ian: "No, really, what's it called?"

Laura: "I didn't catch that. Grab another People Magazine."

Ian: "I can't. That old dude is blocking it."

Laura: "That's good. I want to believe it's called 'Just Beave.' My heart wants it so."

Laura: "He looks like a cracked-out Precious Moments doll. Awesome!"

Ian: "Should I add a beaver?"

Laura: "Yes. And a rose. There was a rose in the ad."

Ian: "There was? Should I really draw that?"

Laura: "Yes. Draw a beaver and a rose. Since they both symbolize a vagina."

Monday Night Musings

Laura: "Yesterday, out of the blue, my mom begged me to never get butt injections. I swear I can't be related to the woman."

Ian: "Butt injections?"

Laura: "Like, implants in your ass."

Ian: "Oh."

Laura: "I would never get a butt lift, I would never want a butt lift, I would never get a butt lift. Where does she get this stuff?"

Ian: "Obviously from the TV. I think I know what she was talking about. I saw a news story about how women are getting back-door butt injections. And they're getting injected with caulk.

Laura: "I think she mentioned the radio. She hears things and works herself into a frenzy over them. It's ridiculous. I WOULD NEVER GET BACK-DOOR BUTT INJECTIONS OF CAULK."

Ian and Laura: "............................."

Ian: "That would make a great band name."

I currently post twice a week, at the beginning and end of each week. A longer post featuring guinea pigs and mayhem is coming later this week.