Winiferd Adjusting in the Burbs

Moving to the suburbs has reaped rewards for Winiferd. The house provides much needed room for roaming and playing. Plus, the cats and guinea pig keep her company during the weekdays.

Winnie loves going doo doo in her own yard, and she enjoys taking walks around the quiet neighborhood.

The one thing that knocked Winnie off balance? New Daddy. Winnie felt accustomed to Mommy coming home shortly after five o'clock every weekday.

Now, New Daddy arrives home at about 3:30. MAYDAY! MAYDAY! CHANGE IS COMING! CHANGE IS COMING! Winnie is struggling to process this monumental shift in life.

Winnie: "I am not used to a human coming home at 3:30. WHAT IS THIS BULL SHIT?"

Monday:

Ian: "Today when I got home, Winnie just sat and looked sad. She refused to go potty. It was bizarre."

Laura: "I wouldn't worry. Look how happy she looks."

Ian: "She doesn't act like that when I get home."

Tuesday:

Ian: "Today Winnie braced herself and refused to walk when I took her outside. She braced so hard, you could see her teeth clenching."

Laura: "Did she use the bathroom for you?"

Ian: "No."

Wednesday: 

Ian: "Today when I walked in, Winnie stared at me and then went to sleep. AND SHE NEVER GOES DOO DOO FOR ME."

Thursday: 

Ian: "Today Winnie just waited at the door for you."

Laura: "She certainly looks excited now. Aww. She's running in circles with her squeaky toy. What a happy puppy."

Ian: "She never does that when I get home."

Friday:

Ian: "Today, when I took Winnie outside, she walked away and laid down in the bushes. She stayed there until I dragged her back in."

Ian and I have been trying to understand Winnie's strange behavior.

Ian: "I think she's scared of me. Because I'm the disciplinarian."

Laura: "We both discipline. We just discipline in different ways."

Ian: "How so?"

Laura: "I discipline softly, and you discipline loudly. Remember when we were trying to break her of jumping on the table? And you charged at the window so loudly and knocked on it so violently that you shattered the storm window? Even I was scared of you then."

Ian: "That makes me feel bad... Wait. If you were so scared, why were you doubled-over, wheezing with laughter? You couldn't even talk because you were laughing so hard."

Laura: <Remembers when Ian shattered the storm window; doubles-over laughing>

Ian: "You're doing it again."

In actuality, Ian was spot-on in his assessment.

When I see the dog, I scoop her up, nuzzle her head, and coo. When Ian sees the dog, he wonders why she isn't a cat and hopes her doggie tooth paste will someday disguise her doggie breath.

Also, Ian's more apt to yell when she barks.

In the Backyard:

Winnie: "Bark! Bark! Bark!"

Ian: "Winnie, shut up! Stop barking!"

Laura: "She can't even bark outside? Ian, she's a dog."

Ian: "Oh. Yeah. I guess that makes sense."

Ian's frustration with dogs and normal dog behavior amuses both of us. We joke about it a lot.

Laura: <Cradling Winnie> "Winnie, New Daddy told me that on gray days, he thinks about you, and then he sees a beautiful rainbow."

Ian: "Hmpf."

Laura: "Winnie, New Daddy told me that he wishes he could clone you, so when he goes to sleep, he can have one Winnie on his right side and another Winnie of his left."

Ian: "Unnnnnn."

Laura: "Winnie, New Daddy said if he was hanging off a cliff and had Harvey in one hand and you in the other, he would drop Harvey to save you."

Ian: "Where do you get this stuff?"