I, For One, Bow to Our Great Google Overlord, Part Two

I'm continuing my series on most Googled search terms. After my post on God, I saw viewership grow as people stumbled upon this blog by Google searching the divine creator.

Next on the list is everyone's favorite teen heartthrob, Justin Bieber. I confess, I feel conflicted posting about him. Essentially, I'm revisiting old territory:

Alas, my previous post on the Beeb didn't bring in extra traffic, but I posted about him early in the blog's life. These days, the Google machine is on my side, so I anticipate a large traffic increase after blogging about Justin Beaver.

It makes me a feel a little icky to use a child to grow my blog, but hell, his song-writers, swag coaches, auto-tune specialists, and his parents are capitalizing off his pretty boy looks and smooth Proactive skin. Why can't I?  

I don't actually know that much about Justin Bieber, and I don't want people to catch me Google searching him, so here's a round-up of all the information I've gleaned about J.B. over the years through Facebook, social media, and believe it or not, The New York Times.

1. Justin Bieber has his own perfume. For women. Because all women want to channel the odor of a pubescent boy.

2. Justin Bieber has famous hair. Remember that hairstyle all the boys wore in middle school? He has that haircut. Somehow, he made a hairstyle worn by 90% of all boys famous.

3. Some people claim Justin looks like a lesbian. In fact, there's an entire website dedicated to lesbians who look like Justin Bieber. It's truly fascinating stuff.

The above is not Justin Bieber. That's a lesbian masquerading as Justin Bieber... Mind. Blown.

4. It's really hard to remember to how to spell "Bieber." It's one of those tricky German names. Is it Bieber or Beiber? I can't really remember, but I'm going with "Bieber."

5. Justin Bieber is dating an actress named Selena Gomez. I'm going to pretend they fool around by holding hands and sending air kisses.

6. A random 20 year old girl accused Justin Bieber of impregnating her, resulting in a baby boy and paternity suit. Someone needs to alert these people that holding hands and air kissing do not result in pregnancy, so there's no way Justin is the father.

7. I figure a lot of people will find this blog post by searching for photos of Justin Bieber. I don't feel like finding Bieber pictures, so here are photographs of Ian posing as Justin: